Mother and Tree
by Shigan
Summary: A dark aspect of little Kirika's past. A mother's last thoughts and reflections as her long search for her precious daughter comes to a violent end. (Pre-anime by a decade or so)


I was not surprised when I heard the first shot, startled yes but not surprised. It had only been a matter of time before they would catch up with what we have been doing after all. Soldats always won in the end didn't they? It did not matter to them that it was their own blood that was split; all threats were to be eliminated. Maybe it had been foolish of us to harbour the hope that we would be able to fool them somehow, well obviously, something _had_ slipped us by. Maybe we had dug a little too far in our search or maybe they had just tired of our little prying game and decided to order the execution.  
  
But as I said, I am not surprised. I am actually rather grateful to them for putting up with us for such a long time. They must have known about what my husband and I had been doing those recent years beside our duties as Soldats. Altena never overlooked anything did she? She was the mother who guarded death itself, truly a fitting term for someone who held Carte Blanc authority over Noir.  
  
A pained scream was heard from the small meeting room which led to my office. I recognized the voice as one of our security personals, a rather young man in his mid twenties. It was followed with a heavy thud of a lifeless body hitting the floor and a metallic clatter when the gun followed.  
  
I rested my elbows on the hard mahogany desk in front of me and leaned my forehead against the back of my hands. I did not wish to cry but an awkward sob managed to escape my throat anyway. I could only wait for the executioner to come; to fight back against the will of Soldats was futile, even more so when yourself was one of them. Both me and my husband had known this of course, as one of Soldats, your life was never your own. We could only humbly wait as the hand of the elders dealt us our punishment for our crime.  
  
What kind of crime was it by the way? I cursed this wretched organisation, Altena and god above.  
  
What is the crime in being a mother?  
  
Like most of us in the organisation, I had been born a Soldats's child. I had followed their wit and orders to fulfil my duty as long as I could remember; the same went for my husband. Even our marriage had been set up by them in some degree; luckily it turned out to be one of those successful arranged marriages. We were very happy; I had been overjoyed on my wedding day, that in a world of darkness and as an unforgivable sinner, man could still find joy like this.  
  
Our bliss were short however when _they_ discovered that I was pregnant, and even more so when the child turned out to be a girl.   
  
I mean, for the love of god, why did it have to be _my_ daughter. I can never forget the day Altena had given us the elder's, no wrong- _her_ decision. I can still recall her kind but oh so ruthless face when she had grasped my hands and told me that our child was to be one of the blessed. In all that confusion of motherly joy and protective despair I had actually feel a morbid kind of pride, a Soldat's pride.   
  
My child would be one of the blessed, destined to be special. Which mother would not be proud?  
  
Another shot was heard, something made of glass shattered followed by a thud of another body falling to the ground. This time, the sounds had come from my husband's office. An uninvited tear rolled down my chin, I whispered a silent prayer for his spirit to wait for me, I would soon be there to join him. There should only be me, my husband and the young security guard on this floor for the time being so at least there would be no more unnecessary casualties.   
  
I rose from my seat and straightened out my dress, so what? People about to die do unreasonable things; I wanted some grace in my last minutes of life at least. A photo of me and my husband as a newly engaged couple caught my eyes; I believe it had been taken in Kyoto just after my graduation from Kyoto University. His happy, youthful face beamed at me from the wooden frame. He had always been such a gentle person, far to gentle for his role as the head of such a powerful family and an obligation to Soldats.   
  
That changed of course when he lost our baby to them. Altena had been there herself at the birth to deliver the blessing while we watched. They took my baby, a little girl with warm, maroon eyes, a mop of dark brown hair and the most beautiful voice I could imagine when she had cried in my arms. They took her from me to perform the traditional ritual while I had still been in bed. Being tired from giving birth, I had fallen asleep.  
  
I never saw her again. I doubt my husband even had gotten to hold her as her father. When I awakened, Soldat's messengers and Altena were long gone, and so was our infant daughter. If it hadn't been the weakness from childbirth and the look of haunting sorrow in my husband's face, I would have thought that it all had been a cruel, bittersweet dream.  
  
Of course we had known what the organisation wanted us to do. We were to live on like if nothing had happened, they repaid us handsomely by steadying the family company into the global market and made sure that both our families' fortunes would be secure for least another generation. A cruel organisation indeed, I had always known that. What I however never knew, was how it felt to be a victim of that cruelty.   
  
Yes, I am a Soldat without a doubt but I am also a woman and a mother, so sue me.  
  
Five years have passed since then. Five years of desperate searching and secret prying within the organisation. Five years of sad hollowness every time we passed the room that had been meant to be the bedchamber for the first of our children. It had also been five years of hope, hope that reawakened every time we were able to catch something about Noir and Altena's movements. But our trails always faded into nothingness, erased by fear their very name invoked. Despite the danger, the break of honour and the fact that we risked both our families, we had still continued. The occupation and the need to know was probably the only thing that kept us from going insane. We both knew that there was no hope to get her back to start with, hope and love could not win against the world and those who ruled it but what we had wanted was simply to _know_. Anything about her would do, a photo would have been a luxury.  
  
Soldats had not let anything slip, five years of searching and we still knew close to nothing. We could only reveal in the fact that all the candidates were safe, the information had been passed from one of the more sympathetic members who left without telling a name.   
  
I wiped the tears from my eyes while I listened to the sound of the doorknob being turned. So they got tired of our little game did they? I let out a sound, half a sob, half a chuckle. Our search was finally coming to an end, it had only been a matter of time of course and I doubt I will find peace in afterlife anyway. The soft footsteps told me that the time had come; I would be executed for the crime of being a parent, punished for the wish to see and love my daughter. I remained still while facing the wall as the assassin stopped, the cold, metallic sound from the safety being released send a shiver down my spine. For one second, I was tempted to make a dash for the pair of wakizashis that decorated the wall but I remained still, it was futile to flee from them. This world only held one exit, death was the only way.  
  
I closed my eyes.  
  
"Do you know why you are doing this?" I asked, keeping my voice steady to hide my fear.  
  
Silence, I couldn't even detect a reaction from the person who obviously was behind me. Very well, they sent one of those non-talking professionals, should I feel honoured? I let out a tired sigh, why was he or she taking so much time? The safety was off so there was only the trigger issue left right…?  
  
"No."  
  
The sound of the voice was like a bird's; it threw me off from my humouring meditation completely. I turned around slowly to not pose a threat while my mind remained foggily blank in surprise.  
  
A little girl.  
  
It didn't take me long to see the similarities beside the unruly mop of dark brown hair and those maroon eyes. My eyes drank in the facial features as my eyes watered again. She had inherited my eyes and the nose which was from my mother's family. The mouth and the gentle form of her face was without a doubt from her father together with the delicate look of inborn elegance, signs of the proud blood that flowed in her veins.   
  
She was dressed in casual clothes, a cute kitten t-shirt with a pair of dark coloured brace pants and purple shoes, carrying a small children's backpack which probably was where she had hidden the gun. Any salary man on this building could claim her as his child who wandered off by herself by mistake. Brilliant.  
  
Tears were freely running down my chins but they were now out of happiness. I hoped that my husband had been able to recognize her before his death, I truly hope he did, the very look of her made me swell in motherly pride. She was beautiful. The cold strength in her eyes told of the inherited bravery her noble ancestors had shown in their battles, she would not fail to pull the trigger because of my tears.  
  
I wanted to laugh at the irony of it all. Yes, five years of searching had come to an end and of all things in this cursed world, it was Soldats themselves that had taken us to our goal. Maybe Altena knew altogether what we have been doing, I don't know if she ordered this out of cruelty or some kind of morbid compassion as a woman. Whatever her motives really are I can't help but feeling a tiny spark of appreciation and gratefulness towards her. Strange isn't it? To thank your murderer.  
  
My little girl was fine, it could have been a rather touching reunion if it hadn't been for the gun she was pointing at me. Of course I would have wished her a different life, one where we could walk to the park together and play while she ruined her new kimono with mud or sit in our garden while watching the cherry blossoms bloom. But that would never be our reality, neither would I ever see her smile like I wished to, I can see that from how professional she was in holding the gun. She had been trained properly and knew very well how to use it since she had already killed her father and a security guard.   
  
The wisdom in the decision of separating parent and child hit me. She like me was a Soldat's child, someone who was to be born and raised in sin or even more so since she was one of the blessed. Her life, as one who is destined to become Noir, would not be about happiness but survival, anything relating to identity would be a threat to her. Therefore, the biological parents was faced with two choices; give up the child or be executed. An unwritten law, made by the means of protecting the precious candidates.  
  
The child just stared at me with emotionless face; there was no hesitation in her eyes, she was simply granting my tears their mercy. I tried to picture her as a young lady as I dried my tears against my sleeves. Slender, gracious limbs with that angelic face, she would be beautiful. A smile tugged at my lips.  
  
I looked her in the eyes, something like a silent agreement passed between us as her small hands closed around the black handle of her weapon.  
  
I never heard the shot, but I don't think most people who are shot are concentrated enough to do so either, and more surprisingly there was no pain. The only thing I recall is my body going numb while I fell towards her. The world became grey as I watched her from the floor, her delicate face hovering above me for a moment before my vision went blank and the world faded.  
  
Maybe it had been Altena's way to ask for forgiveness, letting me die as a protecting mother instead of a disloyal Soldat. I am grateful, truly.   
  
It struck me then that I didn't even know her name.


End file.
